Influencing People With Different Opinions

Everyone, at some point, needs to be able to influence others. Perhaps you are a marketer, and your job is to convince your consumers that their lives are so much better with your product. Or maybe you’re a manager, and you want to find a way to inspire your team in order to achieve your goals. Or you could simply be looking to get your spouse to spend more time bonding with you and your children.

Whether you’re working full time or you’re juggling diapers and meal prep, you’ll encounter situations that need you to reconcile opposing value systems. Almost every conflict that we encounter is caused by two people who see things differently, and more often than not, your goal is to convince the other that you are right, and they should do things your way.

Conflict arises when value systems are threatened. Don’t fear differences, as uncomfortable or overwhelming as they might be. People who hold differing views provide you with an opportunity to learn how to work with those who hold different value systems. This ability to navigate and influence despite differences are key in your personal and professional development.

When talking to someone with a different value system, you might find that you’re subconsciously judging them. We’re wired to believe that we’re right and others are wrong. But we can’t and shouldn’t always look to win the argument. The reality is, you can’t influence value systems. But what you can do is demonstrate understanding, empathy, security, and respect for different value systems.

Although opposing value systems can cause conflict, they also bring in a diversity of beliefs and convictions that can actually harmonise with your value system to create beautiful ideas together. Examples of value systems that are evident in every society are social order, security, and family. But even within these value systems, there are different interpretations of how this looks like in your day-to-day life.

For some, valuing their family might involve working extra hours to provide financial security. This is their way of contributing to the family. But for others, it may mean finding more time to stay at home with the family, instead of working hours on end. What may look like opposing value systems are actually one and the same. Both people value family, but interpret this differently.

There was once a conflict between two Jews. One was a Rabbi and the other was a woman. The woman visited the shop that the Rabbi owned. He was praying when she entered, but he decided to prematurely end his prayer so that he could serve the woman. In the eyes of the Rabbi, serving others was of great value because it was a way to worship God.

The woman, on the other hand, valued intimate prayer with God. When she saw that the Rabbi interrupted his prayer time to serve her, she was furious. To her, it is against the rules of her religion to interrupt prayer time. Because of these differing views and interpretation of their religion, conflict arose between the Rabbi and the woman.

This goes to show that even people within the same group, whether it be a religion, community, or company, can have similar beliefs or value systems but interpret them differently. So even if you try to surround yourself with people who seem to see things the way you do, you will never be able to avoid conflict completely.

Make It Your Goal to Help Others Achieve Theirs

If you show that you want to help others achieve their KPIs, they will support you in your quest to achieve yours.

When I ran my team at Weber, I didn’t realise what I had signed up for. I had to run a creative department, find my own clients, and raise the bar on my creative standards. Unfortunately, PR did not give me enough money for my team, so I had to scout out enough clients to make sure that every head was covered. And when I got into the momentum of finding more clients, my boss pointed out that these clients weren’t delivering the returns we deserved. At first, I didn’t think it was my problem to solve.

I eventually realised that I had to show my boss that I would help him achieve our KPIs. I also had to show my team that I’d help them achieve their KPI of doing work that they’re proud of, which meant finding clients who’d give us the freedom, space, and resources to do just that. When I started showing signs that I was on board and working for my company and its vision, my boss supported me.

In order to succeed in your work, try to figure out what the people around you need. What brings them joy? What makes them tick? What are their career goals and personal goals? The answers to these questions will guide you in helping others establish and achieve their goals. If you don’t show your team that you are on their side, you’ll end up with angry colleagues who might pull you down when the chance arises. Influencing people means understanding what their KPIs are and assuring them that you want to help them succeed.

How many times have you got blindsided when someone takes a stab at your ego? When this happens, it’s difficult to fight every fibre in you that wants to accost your teammate. But you must ask yourself, “What good will this do?”. If you burn bridges with people around you, you will lose your ability to influence them and inspire them. In the process, you’d also lose their support in meeting your KPIs.

One of the biggest lessons that my Rabbi taught me is that there is power in apology and humility. He shared a story about a man who married someone that his parents didn’t approve of. Because he married her anyway, his parents didn’t speak to him for 10 years. One day as his parents were walking past the supermarket, they saw their son and his family with two children. His parents thought, “We need to make this right. We need to get our hands on our little cutie pies!”

They called their Rabbi to ask for advice. And he asked them, “How badly do you want to see the kids?” They said, “Really badly.” So, the Rabbi told them to pick up the phone and apologise to their son and daughter-in-law. This was the first step to getting their foot in the door. When they heard this, the parents protested. But the Rabbi reminded them to focus on the prize. Their ultimate goal was to see their grandkids. So, they focused on the goal and apologised.

Even though it was not easy to apologise, they knew that this is what they had to do in order to achieve their goal of building a relationship with their grandkids. An apology doesn’t always come easy to us because it means that we have to admit that we were wrong. It means that we have to take a blow to our oversized ego. But you have to decide how much you want to achieve your goal, whether it be to influence people, rebuild a relationship, or grow your team. You can win the argument, but you can’t always win the battle.

When I created my own forex broker program, I wanted to register my company with the bank so that I could cash in my cheques. Due to certain circumstances, I had to open an account within 24 hours, and there was only one bank that didn’t require a lumpsum initial deposit. When I sat down to talk to a banker, he told me that the bank typically took three days to open an account. I told him that a competitor could do it in 24 hours, and he looked straight at me and told me to go to the competitor instead. In that moment, I was furious. But I remembered my end goal.

So I swallowed my pride, humbled myself, and said, “Please, this is really important.” I then shared my positive experiences with the bank in hopes of convincing him to help me achieve my goal. Three hours after I left the bank, I got a text that said my bank account was open. As hard as it was to swallow my pride, I knew that my pride is not the biggest sacrifice I would make in life.

Sometimes, you just have to swallow your pride and do what is right. If you allow yourself to be affected by every little thing around you, you might just end up holding yourself back. Take a step back and look at the bigger picture. Keep your eye on the prize and do whatever you have to do to achieve your goal without burning bridges with those around you. Make it a priority to nurture your relationships even if it means swallowing your pride.

Choose Being Kind Over Being Right

It may be a common misconception that clients are always looking for the smartest agency. But one of the things I’ve learnt over the years is that clients aren’t looking for agencies with all the answers. They’re looking for one that they can get along with: people who are willing to work collaboratively to find solutions together.

When I first started pitching, I used to give them all the answers to make them feel like I’ve got everything covered and under control. With experience, I realised that clients want to be part of the process. So, I make sure that I stay down-to-earth and honest about things I don’t know, giving clients an opportunity to be a part of the problem-solving process. When you approach it from this angle, it doesn’t make the clients look or feel stupid. Instead, it shows that their opinion and expertise has value, and you’re willing to leverage that to produce the best results.

When I was the creative director at Ogilvy, I was assigned to work on a project for Singtel. After I had completed the first draft of the project, I had to present it to the number one man in Singtel, a typical old-school boss who expected his team to simply follow his orders.

It had taken me about six months to complete the project, and when it was my turn to present, the boss started spewing out criticism about my work. I was hoping for someone on the team to stand up and elaborate on the parts that the boss disagreed with but no one did. So I just stood there and swallowed his bitter pill of criticism. I could have fought back, but I chose to listen and be kind. At the end of the meeting, the boss said, “You know what to do.” So I fixed everything he asked for and went back a second time. He said it was perfect and chose to continue working with me in the future.

Things could have turned out very differently if I hung him out to dry in the first meeting. I could’ve pointed out the errors in his ways and mentality, but I didn’t. Because I chose to be kind, more and more projects kept coming, and the account grew. He trusted me to have his back even when he wasn’t completely right. When I quit Ogilvy, I was the first person that Singtel took out for a farewell dinner. We had established such a good relationship over the years, and it wasn’t because I was the smartest.

This just goes to show that kindness goes a long way. It can certainly be tough to be kind in moments when you’re being criticised or when people just don’t agree with what you say or do. But if you really want to influence people, then it’s not about how right you are. It’s about how much you want to help the people in your sphere of influence. You can only increase your power of influence when you show others that you value them, their thoughts, and your relationship. No matter what, you must have their back.

Let Your Guard Down

It may seem paradoxical to be vulnerable while still being seen as a strong and powerful individual. But if you want to win people over and gain their trust, then the first step is to show them who you really are. When they better understand you, you are then in a position to influence their thoughts, actions, and behaviour.

When I was at Ogilvy, there was a man who would make inappropriate jokes about women during our meetings. I knew that I had to say something to stop his inappropriate behaviour. No woman should be subject to demeaning jokes or be forced to sit in a room with him as he degrades us. So, I plucked up the courage to say, “When you crack these jokes, it makes me feel really uncomfortable. I don’t feel that they are appropriate.”

The next time I came into the meeting room, no one cracked an inappropriate joke. And I eventually found out that whenever we had a meeting, other women would ask if I would be in the room because they knew that I would stand up for them and stop any inappropriate behaviour. Right before I left Ogilvy, the Head of Staffing told me that after their policies were revised, they let that particular man go. Women always wanted me in their meetings because of the courage I had to stand up for them.

When I was younger, I was diagnosed with clinical ADHD, which made it very stressful for me to be in social situations with strangers. Yet when I first joined Ogilvy, I set a goal to introduce myself to one new person for 100 days, forcing myself out of my comfort zone. Over the course of this period, I met a hundred people across all departments from different floors. When it came time for me to work with them, I was already acquainted with them, which greatly helped.

Letting your guard down may seem like a strange way to influence people, but this process builds trust and nurtures relationships. The more opportunities you give others to see who you are, what you believe in, what makes you tick, the more they would be willing to let you in. Once you can get your foot in the door, your power to influence them continues to grow as your relationship builds on the foundation of trust that you established from the beginning.

Find a No. 2 who is Your Opposite

If you have the opportunity to choose your subordinate, it would be best to find someone who is different from you. You need someone who will complement your strengths, and help you become aware of your blind spots. Together with such a colleague, you’ll be able to achieve phenomenal results.

The number two at my agency right now is my project manager who handles my Excel sheets and takes care of my money. I seem to have a physical aversion to Excel sheets! This is why I need a number two who can do something I can’t, complement my strengths, and fill in for the areas where I am weak.

Know Exactly How You Want to Influence Others

If you simply want to influence people but don’t have a plan, strategy, or vision to work towards, you won’t really get anywhere. Those who don’t know exactly what they’re influencing people to do tend to fail because they’re unable to provide clear guidance or direction. So before you even think about influencing others, take a moment to really sieve through what your values and goals are so that you can lead your team accordingly.

When I first started my creative department, I spelt out our team culture, work ethic, criteria, and objectives. I wanted my team to know exactly what I expected of them so that they are not caught off guard when I return their work and tell them to re-do it. If their work doesn’t meet the criteria, then we will have to rethink it. You must know exactly what emotions you want your work to evoke and how your work will make people believe in what you’re selling.

There’s no such thing as just influencing people. You need to know what you’re doing and how you plan to reach your goal. Sometimes, it takes briefs, guidelines, and structures to make this happen. Choose methods that work for you, and communicate your expectations as you lead your team towards your shared goals.

1. Understand People’s Value Systems

In order to preempt any potential clashes, it is best to understand who you are working with and what they value. This will give you a better understanding of what makes them tick and what motivates them to show up to work day after day.

2. Step Away From Your Ego

When you’re trying to influence people, forcing your values and beliefs down someone else’s throat will only do more harm than good. Unless it is morally wrong, choose to let it go, take their thoughts into consideration, and do what you can to compromise and make it work.

3. Build Trust

Influence takes trust, and trust takes time. In everything you do, make sure that you continue to build trust and transparency with the people around you, and you’ll be surprised at how much easier it is to influence them towards your goals.