Conflict Resolution at Work

In sports, at work, and in life, conflict is inevitable. You’re always going to have disagreements, and as much as we’d like to wish otherwise, people don’t always get along. Especially in the world of sports where emotions run high, conflict comes with the territory. But fighting is optional. In my over 25 years of experience as a cricket umpire, I’ve gotten up close and personal with conflict. No, conflict is not something to be feared. Think of it as just another issue that you can successfully manage with the right tools and approaches.

So, here are some winning strategies that will help you in any high-stress situation.

Listen Effectively

To manage conflict, you need to understand why it has occurred in the first place. If your customer is upset because they haven’t heard back from you about an order, telling them to calm down won’t cut it. You need to be asking them what their concern is and why they’re feeling upset – only then can you understand how you can best settle the issue. This is why active listening is the crucial first step to managing conflict.

Let’s take the example of one of the first ODI (One Day International) matches I umpired – Australia versus the West Indies. There was a disagreement between Brian Lara (who was batting) and Michael Bevan, and I took it upon myself to step in. I told Brian to focus on the cricket and not on arguing with Michael. Now, Brian was upset with me for stepping in too soon. What was a player-versus-player conflict now turned into a player-versus-umpire conflict. These were two experienced sportsmen and I got involved without understanding what the problem was.

Instead of asking questions and offering to help, I told Brian what to do. I wasn’t listening effectively and as a result, I couldn’t manage the situation. After the match, I spoke to my colleague – another International Umpire – and asked him what I could’ve done differently. Basically, I should’ve done the opposite of what I did. The better approach would’ve been to hold back and let the players get their grievances off their chests. With that context, I could’ve asked Brian what the issue was and how I could help. Unless you’re able to listen effectively, you won’t have the common understanding needed to manage conflict. Getting a proper understanding of the issue and why the person feels the way they do is key.

Focus on the Issue

There’s a term we use in sports that goes “play the ball, not the man”. In a conflict, things can get personal really quickly, and that’s when tempers flare. It comes down to how you’re using language. We’ve all been in arguments that have devolved to pointing fingers: “You did this!” or “You’re wrong!” All of a sudden, we lose track of the issue and are directing our frustration at the person – labelling and accusing them. You’re emotionally hijacked. Instead of solving the problem, the conversation becomes about saving face and not feeling offended or threatened. You’re playing the man instead of the ball.

A better way is to keep the discussion focused on the issue, and think about potential solutions. Language is very important here. You want to use inclusive language to tell the person that you’re on the same side of the table. You could say, “What can we do here?” or “How does this affect us?” or “Can you help us?” When you avoid framing the issue as you-versus-me, and use words like “us” and “we”, the other person is less likely to feel threatened or under attack.

Mirror the Behaviour You Want to See

Let’s say you’re in a situation where the person you’re talking to is already angry – they’ve raised their voice, or are stamping their feet. Would you shout back at them to resolve the issue? Surely that would only make things worse. If you want someone to calm down, reflect a calm demeanour back to them. Be measured in your words and keep your voice low. Stay rational even if things get personal, which can happen all too quickly in an argument. Interestingly, you’ll find that when you reflect a calm demeanour, the person who is riled up will start mirroring your behaviour. Of course there will always be exceptions to the rule. But by and large, remaining calm will give you the highest chance of getting the other person to calm down as well.