Meaningful Networks: More Than Small Talk

Networking is a necessity. It is not an option in life. Whether you like it or not, it’s essential to have the ability to build relationships continuously. Networking is about finding ways of serving and being helpful to others. Networking is about getting network credits and storing them into your network bank. Overtime, these credits, in the form of relationship, would yield returns not just in monetary form but also in the form of open doors, advice and other valuable returns.

Some of us were taught not to talk to strangers when we were growing up and as a result some people are shy or afraid of strangers. Strangers are seen to be dangerous because they may take something from you.

The rest of us were taught to be nice, friendly and kind to strangers, but that may not be good because you may expect people to like you and they may not. Either way, networking is affected by our own experiences growing up.

In addition to the way we were brought up, many people often struggle to network because of a lack of education. No one teaches it in school, and when you go out to learn it, most networking trainers tend to be extroverts who find networking easy. They aren't necessarily good networkers just because they are chatty. In fact, many people who think they are great with people and become networking trainers, are not necessarily good at networking or even teaching it to the vast majority who may not enjoy approaching strangers and talking for long periods of time.

“Networking is an art that can be improved.”

Like the vast majority you may also not click with some people immediately, but this can be adjusted. Networking isn’t just for extroverts. It’s an art that everyone can develop. I’ve organised over 1000 events with groups of 30 to 25,000 people because I love sharing about networking and how to transform the way we network today.

Networking is about connecting, making new friends, being inspired, and helping others to achieve their goals while achieving yours too.

There are different ways of contributing to a relationship depending on your industry, hobbies and country but ultimately you can learn to value add to conversations. I was born in Israel, grew up in Canada and England, I’ve lived in Russia and now in Singapore. Every culture is so different when it comes to networking. There are many fears and misunderstandings regarding networking that can be daunting to navigate but I’ll give you practical tips to apply across cultures.

Now, how can you start transforming the way you network?

Approach networking as a long-term investment.

You can’t be transactional and immediate about your interactions. It’s a relationship that you invest in for the long term. A networking event is a place to meet people and build relationships. In our social media age, everyone wants immediate results, but that isn’t the case with networking. We need to approach networking events with a long-term relationship building mindset.

There is a huge misconception about networking that I need to address before I teach you how to network.

Networking is not about selling yourself.

Selling or promoting yourself is the worse reason to network. While networking is an option when you’re looking for a mentor, partner, investor or even a wife, if your approach at the event is purely transactional, then you won’t get far.

Many people think that if they share all about themselves, their company, and convince others about why they are so amazing, they’ll get an immediate return in that exchange. For example, some people get 7 name cards after an event and the next morning, they send these 7 people a 2-page proposal about why their company is the best and some even offer 50% off if they act on the deal. This is awful! That’s not how networking is supposed to be.

So how do you network better?

Ask Good Questions

If you don’t give others a chance to speak, they won’t enjoy the conversation with you. Don’t go on about how great you are or try to impress people. You will stand out if you ask good questions. That’s when people will notice and like you.

Be interested in what others share and ask pleasant, meaningful questions. You can start with broader questions and move to more personal questions while keeping it professional. I share more specific questions and ways of diverting the conversation in my other e-book “Steer Networking Conversations”.

Come in With Good Energy

The kind of energy you carry is important. You need to share good energy to create positive conversations by holding the right mindset about the people you interact with. You can have a positive attitude and perception of others by having what I like to call a “how can I help you” and an “I like you” mindset.

How does it work? Before you talk to someone, you need to say something positive about them in your head right away.

Start by saying a few empowering statements about others by complimenting their looks, appearance, or demeanour in your mind. It’s important that you do this in your mind before you engage with them. This mindset you have about them will spill over into your conversation with them and they’ll feel your energy. As you then begin speaking with them, have a “how can I help you” mindset by thinking of ways you can offer them your help or value add to them.

You are teaching yourself to like the person more. This is crucial to networking because -

People can feel the energy you carry.

Life is like a mirror. If you like someone, they will like you. If you mistrust someone, they will mistrust. When you catch yourself and learn to be both positive and kind, you reflect that back on yourself.

If you had a bad day, a crazy week, or just got into a fight, don’t attend an event with those emotions. Others can feel this negative energy, and it creates a bad atmosphere which results in bad conversations. When you attend an event, you need to have a positive attitude and be ready to connect with people. If you’re able to put your day aside and psych yourself up, you’ll find that you can improve your energy for the event.

Attend Paid Events

Not all events are made equal. If you go to a paid networking event by a professional organiser, you can gain a lot of value from it.

When you attend a paid event, about 80% of the responsibility is on the organiser because they can create an environment that is easier to network in like a wine tasting, a new four-course menu, a unique art gallery or the first viewing of something interesting. At such events, there are some available topics of discussion like the wine, food, and art which then helps the conversation to be a lot more enjoyable and easier.

At a paid event, the location is likely to be more spacious and conducive which also adds to the experience of networking. So if you value networking enough, you should pay to attend networking events. You may not be in the position to invest, but free events may not have the best elements to network with.

Prepare Yourself Intellectually

The reality is that your conversations need to be exciting and engaging if you want to build a good relationship. Contrary to popular belief, extroverts are not better networkers than introverts. Sometimes, extroverts may be very bad networkers because they don’t know how to manage their energy. So, regardless of whether you’re an introvert or extrovert, you can still prepare to be engaging.

If you already think that you aren’t an interesting person, then people won’t be interested. One way to improve this is to do the Top Ten exercise.

The Top Ten exercise is simple. You take out your phone and type out your top ten achievements. It can be something you have done or attained that you are proud of. It could even be something that’s cool. This isn’t for ego or for you to appear better than others. It’s just a way of highlighting aspects of yourself to stand out and have conversation points. This will help your conversations to be more engaging.

If you struggle to come up with ten things you are proud of, then think of ten things that your mum or friends would be proud of about you. If you need to, then ask them. Make sure you fill up at least ten things in that list. They don’t have to be hugely impressive; they just need to highlight aspects of you that you can bring up in conversations to keep them interesting.

After this exercise, you need to do the next step which is extremely crucial.

Prepare to introduce yourself.

You need to know what to say when people ask you what you do. Practice different ways of sharing that. You should practice both professional and personal ways of introducing yourself.

Practice what you would share with different types of audiences. You would introduce yourself differently to an older individual as compared to a younger individual. You would also introduce yourself differently to a wealthy investor or a fellow young equal whom you wouldn’t want to intimidate or show off to.

For instance, to a fellow young equal you can say that by day you’re an investment banker, by night you go rowing, have two kids and enjoy reading books. To a wealthy investor, you may choose to focus on your professional achievements and latest professional ventures to share some interesting projects that the investor might be intrigued by.

Adjusting the introduction of yourself will help you build rapport with others. I have practised sharing my introduction in 1000 different ways. The worst thing to do is to give a one or two-word introduction. Give people words to work with. They are taking the risk to start a conversation with you. Make it easy for others to have a conversation with you.

Prepare Yourself Physically

Physical preparation is often overlooked, but it will affect your energy and improve your networking. How does your body feel? Does your body feel good? Did you drink enough water? It’s important that you feel good before you enter the event. Drink some water, go to the toilet ahead of time and let your body feel cleansed and ready.

Simple things like eating something that leaves you feeling good rather than sluggish will help you significantly with your energy levels. Sometimes it helps to stretch your body a little which will help you to relax. Do all that you need to make yourself feel better.

I’ve also learnt a little trick from my friend Tony Robbins which is to jump up and down for 30 seconds. If you have a small trampoline, that's even better! As you jump, your whole body will wake up. You're increasing your heart rate and getting your blood pumping and this increases your energy levels which makes you more engaging when you interact with others. Make sure your pockets are empty when you jump!

Prepare Yourself Emotionally

Emotional preparation is vital and powerful. As I highlighted, people can feel your energy. Be aware of your emotional state and what energy you are emitting. Where are you right now? Where is your mind right now? Are you here right now? Are you somewhere else? Are you concerned about something?

As you ask yourself those questions, be aware of your emotional state and then shift your emotional state. One way to emotionally align yourself is to say a mantra, encouraging words, an empowering word or positive affirmations about yourself out loud. It’s known to be ten times more powerful when you say them out loud rather than when you say them in your mind. You need to feel good about yourself to carry positive energy. Say these words with intention and believe them. Focus on the good that is in your life and allow your focus to shift away from the negative to the positive.

In addition to these practical steps, don’t forget the basics.

Research the Event

Look up the organiser, speaker, and attendees, especially those you want to talk to. Prepare points of discussion to sustain the conversation.

Also, it’s essential that you fit the part. Don’t be over or underdressed. If it is an informal event, then dress the part. Don’t dress formally and stick out like a sore thumb. Make an effort to follow the dress code. If you need to dress formally, then please do. It doesn’t mean you have to wear a white shirt and black pants. You can look different while standing out, like you could wear a formal pink shirt if you want to. Go ahead and express yourself, but be sure to follow the dress code and look the part.

1. Prepare Your Achievement List and Introduction

As I highlighted in chapter 2, take out your phone and type out a list of 10 achievements you are proud of. If you can’t think of one, imagine what your mum or friend would say. Once you’ve listed them out, prepare introductions about yourself and weave in some or all of these ten achievements. Practice sharing them in different ways and with a different audience.

2. Practise Saying Empowering Statements

When you’re at home, say empowering statements about yourself out loud. Say these statements intentionally and believe them. When you leave the house on the way to work or when you are in the office, practice saying empowering statements and kind compliments about the people in your head. Carry this habit into meetings and networking events.

3. Sign up for Networking Events and Practice

Go online and search for a paid networking event with the target audience that suits your field. If there are many, I would suggest that you pick an event that has a speaker and is hosted by an experienced organiser. Sign up for it and apply what you’ve learnt. Prepare yourself mentally, physically and emotionally. Walk in with a positive mindset and energy. Start networking.