Bringing Your Whole Self to Work

I’ve always believed in being yourself in everything you do. In staying true to yourself and knowing who you really are, you are at a distinct advantage. Being aware of your limitations is one part of that, and you certainly shouldn’t feel as if you should be good at everything. But knowing how to use your unique strengths in terms of your skills and personality is equally important. Put together, this awareness will build the individual that people will come to recognise.

It’s likely that you’ll arrive at who you are by identifying aspects of yourself that are distinct, but you should also be very clear about who you are not. The process of elimination is actually one of the easiest ways to filter out the noise and draw the line between who you are and who you’re not. From there, you reach a place where you’re confident about what your strengths are, and what you’re not good at.

Bringing your whole self to work isn’t instantaneous, it often develops slowly. Personally, this was something I struggled with as a fresh graduate. I knew who I was outside of work, but I always imagined that I had to be a different person once I entered the working world. I thought I had to fit into a certain mould. But obviously, everyone is different. What makes you interesting is different from what makes me interesting.

The turning point for me was when I started spending time with my colleagues outside the office or during breaks. I noticed that the interactions between them were casual, which made me comfortable with opening up and letting loose. Actually, these interactions often ended up being creative sessions, leading to work conversations that didn’t feel like work. I started seeing my colleagues as friends, which allowed me to let my guard down and be myself.

These conversations showed me that work is more than just the nine-to-five grind, and that my colleagues have interesting stories outside of work. The fact that my colleagues were so comfortable with being themselves encouraged me to do the same. You, too, can encourage people to be themselves simply by being yourself.

When I started my career, I felt I had to be a lot more serious at work, to stop making jokes. I didn’t bring my fun personality to work. Eventually, I realised that I could bring these elements of my personality to work without adversely affecting my work in any way. Obviously, this will vary based on the atmosphere in your workplace and the culture. However, if you’re playing by the rules and not being too disruptive, you should be able to bring your personality to work without issue.

The easiest rule to follow is to make sure you’re not being disrespectful to anyone by being yourself. It’s fine to make jokes, but not if your jokes are making your colleagues uncomfortable. And you certainly shouldn’t be carried away such that you’re having fun at the expense of getting work done.

It’s not always about just humour, either. Suppose your workplace has a very strict dress code, then follow it. But find a way to express your personal style and ethic in the work you do. Your work is always the best place to express your individuality, and that way you don’t run the risk of being disrespectful to anyone.

Have a Point of View

First impressions matter. This is especially true if you’re trying to set yourself up as an individual that people recognise. To set yourself apart, people need to remember you for a particular trait of yours, or your unique way of thinking. You can help by setting the right perception of who you are, so that your colleagues and partners know you for who you are.

Having an individual personality that people remember helps you to build relationships, but more importantly, helps people see the value of your perspective. You keep your voice instead of fading into the background. You’re a solo artist instead of a member of the choir.

Now this doesn’t mean that you aren’t a team player. The best solo artists out there shine because they have the support of great producers, musicians, and sound engineers. Collaboration is the currency of the times. Yet while working collaboratively is crucial, your voice should be distinct enough to allow people to set you apart from the rest.

How do you bring your voice to the table? By not being afraid to share your authentic opinion. Don’t hesitate to rock the boat or to be the black sheep. If you’re daring enough to share new perspectives in the business world, people respect that. You won’t always be right, and people may not always agree with you. However, people will eventually respect the fact that you’re brave enough to think or do things slightly differently than the rest. That’s what you’ll be remembered for.

Think about a C-level executive in a big corporation. They meet so many people that if they were to meet you today, they probably wouldn’t remember you later on. Higher ups won’t remember you if you tell them things they already know, even if they agree with what you say. Instead, if you have something to say that goes against what they think, ask a great question that challenges them, or question the status quo, they’re more likely to remember you.

Of course, don’t just say or do things just for the sake of it. All of your insights should come from a place of authenticity. Be yourself and think about what you would talk to them about, even what you might do if you were in their place. Especially in Asia, a lot of people shy away from approaching senior executives. They feel that they’re too junior, and the hierarchical structure of many companies only reinforces this way of thinking.

While an increasing number of companies are moving away from hierarchical structures, you should be comfortable with disagreeing. Don’t be afraid to disagree. You’ll find that more good can come out of healthy disagreement than bad.

Discovering Your Authentic Self

When people try to discover themselves, they’re told to “dig deep” to understand what their strengths and weaknesses are. I hold the opposite view: that the more you dive deep in the quest to define yourself, the harder it is to shoot back up.

More often than not, your true self is in plain view. So I think that your true self is really, more often than not, right there. Why not ask the people around you to reflect who you are back at you? Ask your friends how they define you – what they like and dislike. Take their feedback and use it as a way to build a picture of who you are, or at least how people perceive you.

Having said that, find a way to strike a balance between the personality you are and the spirit of self-improvement. It’s crucial to make learning and trying to be a better person an ongoing pursuit. But avoid falling into the trap of imitating people you look up to. Learn to pick and choose traits you want to pick up from various people, but don’t let that dilute your own personality and strengths. Be very conscious about this.

Most people struggle with balancing their personality with the demands of the workplace. We all have that friend who is extroverted and loud, which makes them the life of the party and great fun to hang out with. However, if the same person brought this personality in its entirety to the workplace, it might be disruptive to others. You need to understand how to adapt the essence of your personality to the workplace and be flexible so that others can adapt to you as well.

Naturally, not everyone will be able to gel with the person you are, and not all office environments are going to be open and accepting. Maybe you aren’t able to bring your personality to work the way you want to – in your fashion or the way you talk to people, for example – but think about how you can put your unique spin on your work and ideas. There’s always a way to express yourself and add value in the process.

From Play to Work

I find that blending my everyday life with my work is essential. I take time to do things I enjoy – watching TV, scrolling through Instagram, or consuming online media – with the knowledge that the insights and inspiration I derive from them will be useful at work, too. In this way, I’m able to integrate who I am with the work I do naturally.

Someone else in my team with completely different interests might be exposed to different ideas and ways of thinking. Pay attention to the things that inspire you, and you’ll easily find ways to apply aspects of this into your work.

The other element of this is sharing. When I’m scrolling through Instagram and see something that sparks an idea, I’ll share it with someone on my team and say, “isn’t this cool?” In sharing your interests, you’re bringing yourself to the team but also opening up new sources of inspiration.

Establishing a work-life balance is more than just drawing a firm line that separates 50% work from 50% life. Work doesn’t have to be a separate pursuit that eats up nine hours of your day – it’s also a part of your life. Who you are at home shouldn’t be radically different from the person you are at work. Insights from your leisure time can add immense value to your work, and skills you learn at work can make you a better person. Don’t compartmentalise your life, let it flow in an organic way.

Managing Differences

For someone who manages a team, respect the various personalities that exist in your team. Bear in mind that the moment you give people the freedom to be who they are, you would need to be flexible to their individual needs as well. I don’t see this as a setback. You’ll be building your character as you adapt to working with different people.

I encourage my team to bring their unique perspectives to the table. In my opinion, the more differences you have among your teammates, the more creativity and dynamism there is. The last thing you want is for everyone you work with to behave the same way and have the same perspectives. Nothing new happens without diversity. Nothing changes.

I notice also that when people with different perspectives come together, we’re able to build on our individual ideas and take it further. You bring a thought to the table, and I develop that further with an additional idea, and someone else layers on with their unique viewpoint. There’s a lot of learning that happens when you give people the space to be themselves.

Identifying the personalities in your team can also help you to get things done more efficiently. You may have someone on your team who is very particular about details. Another person might be a self-starter who is all about getting things done and moving processes along but misses out on the minute details. Put these two together on a project, and you’ll be tapping on their complementary strengths. While you might be tempted to go out and hire fun people who make jokes, look at the strengths your team is lacking but could benefit from. Then, hire someone who brings these unique strengths to the table.

As a manager overseeing a diverse team, your mindset should be open and understanding. When you’re open, you make people feel comfortable in bringing their personalities to work. You’ll also need to understand what lines you shouldn’t be crossing with certain members of your team. Even with my closest friends, I know I shouldn’t bring up certain topics because they will hit a nerve and the conversation could easily go the wrong way. Picking up on what topics are taboo will help you avoid these potentially unpleasant situations.

Ultimately, individuality doesn’t work in one set way. There’s no hard and fast rule that will apply across the board when it comes to dealing with people. Instead of thinking about what you can and cannot talk about, focus on trying to understand the person you’re dealing with. You’ll then be able to customise what you say based on the things they might be sensitive about.

Workplace Chameleon

At your workplace, you might find that some people behave differently with senior executives, and have a different vibe with their junior staff. That’s not necessarily a problem or a cause for concern. You can be yourself while being flexible about the way you interact with different people. As long as you’re not changing your personality to a large extent, there’s no harm in it.

When I started off my career, I was careful about being extra professional in my communication with my seniors. With my peers, my communication style was casual and laid back. In examining my behaviour, I wasn’t happy with this inconsistency. I eventually chose to be consistent in how I communicated with everyone across the board. Be it C-level colleagues, peers, or juniors, I behave the same way with everyone. I use the same words, and don’t hold myself back.

What you should keep in mind, though, is respect. Respect everyone equally, and talk to people about things that are relevant and add value to them. Respect for your juniors comes from believing that you can learn from everyone; it is the understanding that your juniors might know something you don’t.

Good Days and Bad Days

You know those days when you wake up on the wrong side of the bed, and the odds seem stacked against you? You feel cranky for no reason and just want to get through the day in peace. Everyone has bad days, and when you bring yourself to work, you should be careful about managing your energy. The last thing you want is to spread negativity to people around you.

The good thing is that if you consistently bring your true self to work, your colleagues will be able to sense that you’re not at your best and give you the space you need. If not, just find a way to create that space for yourself. That could be by working in an isolated meeting room, putting headphones on and listening to your favourite music, or taking a few minutes to engage in an activity that calms you. Don’t feel bad or guilty about needing to focus on yourself a little more than usual when you’re having a bad day.

It all boils down to happiness. Are you happy, meaningfully engaged, and doing things that you love at work? That’s the bottom line. In order to truly bring yourself to work, you need to be enjoying what you do. Without that sense of joy, you’ll find it hard to be your true positive self. You simply can’t fake it.

Some people view contentedness as being a breeding ground for complacency. I, however, believe that you can only bring your true self to work when you’re at peace with yourself. You can start doing this by embracing positivity. When things go wrong, instead of focusing on the negatives, look for the opportunities. In every situation, find ways to learn and be grateful.

“Worrying is like a rocking chair. It gives you something to do, but it doesn’t get you anywhere.”

This quote from a movie called Van Wilder really stuck with me. There will be ups and downs, but the important thing is to not take yourself too seriously. Don’t get too caught up in overthinking things or worrying about how you “should” be behaving. Find the humour in situations. Work hard, but remember to have fun along the way.

1. Share an Idea With a Colleague

If you’ve read an interesting article or saw a funny ad, share it informally with your colleague. You’d spark a conversation that weaves your personal interests with the work you’re doing.

2. Ask a Close Friend for Feedback

To get a better understanding of your strengths and weaknesses, reach out to a trusted friend. Ask them what they like about you, and areas they think you could improve upon.

3. Unwind With Your Team

Make time to bond outside the office environment over food or fun activities. What better way to get to know the people you’re working with and get to know the personalities they bring to work?